From Bilvavi on Shovavim
http://bilvavi.net/english/shovavim-shovavim-today
The Sin of Spilling Seed and Fixing it through Emunah
The root of all mitzvos is Emunah. Emunah alone contains the key to everything, as it is written, “A righteous person shall live by his faith.” Emunah fixes all problems and all sins.
Let’s say a person gives money to a pauper, and before it gets to the pauper’s hand, the money falls to the ground. The donor gave, but there was no one to receive it.
The sin of “wasting one’s seed” is like giving something with nothing to receive it. The man’s seed is being given away, but there is no wife to receive it from him. But with Emunah, a person can become a container to receive.
In all of Creation, there exist Heavenly illuminations (oros) as well as containers to receive them (keilim). The illuminations and containers are usually connected through Daas, which is the connecting force in Creation. That is the first level. When a person grows spiritually, he doesn’t even need Daas to receive the illuminations; he is above Daas. He is totally unified and nullified to Hashem, integrated with Him. That is the second level. It is called lo yoda, “No Daas.”
Above this is a third level a person can reach: an even higher plane that exists beyond lo yoda; it is called “lo yoda elyon.” On such a level, a person doesn’t even need a container to receive Heavenly illuminations, and the illuminations are able to reach the person by themselves. When a person reaches such a level, he is able to fix all his sins – even the sin of “spilling seed”, which is the root of all sins. When a person “spills seed”, G-d forbid, there is something being given, but there is nothing to receive it. His seed goes to waste. But with Emunah, a person can acquire a container that receives all the lost seed – retroactively.
This is a way to do Teshuvah for all of one’s sins, and in particular, the sin of “spilling seed”. But G-d forbid one should purposely sin and say, “I will sin and repent later.”
Fixing the Sin of Gay Behavior
All sins are rooted in Adam’s sin
This chapter deals with the sin of one who engaged in sexual gay behavior and wants to fix his sin. First we will look into the root of this sin in order to understand how to fix it.
The root of all sins lies in Adam’s sin, when he ate from the Tree of Knowledge. The sin of sexually gay behavior is no different than other sins; it also is rooted in Adam’s sin. It is clear that we cannot totally learn how to fix this sin from the case of Adam, in which there was only one man in the world (and hence no one for him to engage in gay behavior with). We are only speaking of this sin in its essence, but there is one very practical point to be learned from this discussion for those who acted gay in a sexual manner.
Four instances in the Torah of Gay Behavior
In the Torah, there are four instances of gay behavior: Cham, Potifar, the city of Sodom, and Amalek.
The first man recorded in the Torah who had a sexual lust for another man was Cham, the son of Noach. It is written (Beraishis 9:20) “And Cham, father of Canaan, saw his father’s nakedness.” The Sages have two opinions of what this means (see Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 70a): According to one opinion, Cham castrated his father so that his father wouldn’t be able to have children, and according to the second opinion, Cham engaged in sexual behavior with his father Noach, who was drunk and asleep.
The second instance in the Torah of gay behavior was by the city of Sodom, who demanded that Lot give away his guests (Beraishis 19:5). The Sages (see Midrash Rabbah 50:5) explain that they wanted to rape his guests; Lot instead tried to appease them by agreeing to give away his daughters to be raped, but they refused. They wanted men to rape.
The third instance of gay behavior in the Torah was by Potifar, who had desire for Yosef (see Talmud Bavli, Sotah 13b).
Finally, there is a fourth instance of gay behavior recorded in the Torah. It is written regarding the cursed nation of Amalek, “They attacked you on the way.” Rashi (in Devorim 25:18) explains this to mean that Amalek acted sexually gay with the Jewish nation.
These four instances of gay behavior are four different lessons about gay behavior. As we will see, there are four different causes for why a person would be sexually gay, and each of these causes has its own solution to the problem.
The Gay Behavior of Cham: Selfishness
First we will examine the first kind of gay behavior: Cham, who did a sexually gay act with his father, Noach.
Before Hashem brought the Flood, there was a big problem in the world: adultery. The generation was so lustful that even the animals were mating with opposite species; this corruption angered Hashem to bring the Flood and destroy the world.
After the Flood, Cham started a new trend: to mate with one’s own gender. Cham brought about an entirely new kind of sexual corruption: to lust after your own gender. He introduced to the world that a man can have a sexual desire for another man.
The natural way of the world is that a man needs a woman to mate with, and a woman needs to receive from a man. The man is the giver, and the woman is the receiver. This is the way Hashem designed the world. But when a man mates with another man, there is no one to receive what he has to offer.
Slavery represents this idea. A slave cannot own anything; anything he acquires goes to his master. He cannot receive anything, and he cannot own a legal wife. He is man without a woman.
When a man has no one to give to and no one to receive what he has to offer, he is all alone. Hashem created the world for man and woman to get married and merge into one being, but when a man has no wife, he is all by himself. (This is also the depth behind why Amalek acted sexually gay with the Jewish people, because Amalek’s aim was to create a separateness and lack of unity in Creation; Amalek was therefore sexually gay in order to wreak havoc on Creation.)
Slaves are suspected of gay behavior (see Talmud Bavli, Berachos 45a). Children as well are a target for being molested sexually (see Talmud Bavli, Gittin 57b). There is a similarity between slaves and children when it comes to sexual behavior, and this will help us understand the root of this kind of gay behavior.
Slaves do as they please, so it is understandable that they are suspected of being gay (see Talmud Bavli, Kesubos 11a). But why are children also commonly involved in gay behavior? The answer is because both slaves and children share one thing in common: they lack a connection to another, and this is the root of their gay behavior. How do we see this?
We know that a child’s sexual act under the age of nine years is not regarded as anything (see Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 69b). Simply speaking, a child isn’t mature enough physically and therefore his sexual actions are not regarded. But it is more than that; he is not a bar daas. To be a bar daas means that one has the power to form connections; daas always refers to connection, as it is written, “And Adam knew Chavah.” A child’s sexual act cannot form any connection; he is alone and cannot have a wife, because he isn’t emotionally capable of such a connection. That is why children are associated with gay behavior, because they are all by themselves and cannot have a wife.
So children have gay behavior because they are by themselves, and slaves act gay because they have no one to receive from them. They are both associated with gay behavior because they are alone.
This helps us understand Cham’s gay behavior. Cham was gay because he was selfish; he wanted to only take and not give, which is the opposite of being a man. A man is supposed to give, and a woman is supposed to receive from him – but Cham wanted only to take. The root of this kind of behavior is a selfishness that has to do with a man wanting to be alone. When a man lacks a wife (or a connection with a wife), he has no one to receive from him, and this itself perverts his sexual desires: he desires men, not a wife. He wants to receive pleasure, but he doesn’t want to give it.
This is one reason for gay behavior: a selfishness that comes from a lack of connection with a wife.
The Gay Behavior of Potifar: Perverting Creation
The second kind of gay behavior we find is by Potifar, who desired Yosef. Yosef was the overseer of Egypt and was sustaining it. He was being like a man and being a giver, taking care of Egypt. Potifar, who desired him, wanted to turn him into a taker. Potifar essentially was trying to switch the nature of creation. Because he desired to only take and not give (by sexually desiring Yosef), he was punished with castration; since he didn’t want to give, he was punished that he cannot have children and cannot sustain others.
How do we know that Potifar was trying to turn Yosef into a taker?
In a marriage between a man and a woman, there is a giver and a receiver. In their sexual union, the man gives the enjoyment, and the woman receives the enjoyment. The real pleasure is enjoyed by the woman, who receives the pleasure from her husband. )Since most times the husband isn’t motivated entirely by giving, and he also wants to take a little of the pleasure, he ends up enjoying it also. He also has some degree of taking. But at least he has some motivation to give.(
This is unlike the gay person. A gay person wants to only take pleasure, but he doesn’t give it. There is no pleasure to the one whom a gay person comes upon (see Talmud Bavli, Kereisos 3a); a gay person only receives pleasure, but he cannot give it to his sexual partner.
This shows us that another cause for gay behavior can be because he is switching around the way things are supposed to be. He perverts Creation. A man is supposed to give and not be a taker, but a gay person is not manly. He is acting feminine in trying to just receive pleasure – which is a woman’s role.
The Gay Behavior of Sodom: Haughtiness
The third kind of gay behavior we find is by the city of Sodom. (Sodom wanted Lot’s guests to be gay with them; Sodom’s gay behavior has to do with their other evil ways. Sodom was against being kind, because they didn’t want to have to need others. That was essentially their root of why they also had gay behaviors.)
This kind of gay behavior contains the key reason to all gay behavior.
Before Adam was created, he was alone. This put into all of us the ability to be “alone”; it is an ability that can be used for good or bad. When a man uses the power of being alone for evil, he is gay. When a person is haughty, he misuses the power of being “alone.”
Rav Nachman of Bresslov writes that the most impure evil that exists – the 50th Gate of Impurity -- is gay behavior, and the root of it is being haughty.
A gay person’s problem is that he wants to remain alone; he wants to be “independent.” The solution to the problem is to return the power of being alone to its root, which is good.
When a man chooses to be alone and not get married – or he lacks a connection with his own wife – he is really being haughty. When a man and woman connect in the marital union, the man fulfills what he lacks: another person in his life. But when a man is gay, he is being haughty, because he doesn’t feel that he is lacking. He feels like he doesn’t need anybody else.
The solution for a gay person then is to feel that he is missing something in his life – being together with another person whom he can give pleasure to (To be together with another man defeats this purpose, because the other person doesn’t receive any pleasure from the union).
Summary
Altogether, we have found three reasons for gay behavior. One cause is because a person doesn’t want to give and he only wants to take; therefore, he engages in a relationship in which only he enjoys and takes pleasure, and there is no one to receive his pleasure. (The solution is to become a giver and not a taker).
Another cause for gay behavior is that a person wants to switch around the way the world is supposed to be; he wants to defy the laws of nature that Hashem created the world with. He doesn’t want his role as a man.
A third cause for gay behavior is that a person wants to remain alone and feels like he doesn’t need anybody. (The solution for this, if he is single, is to get married; and if one is already married, he needs to feel like he needs his wife).
The Sin of Spilling Seed and Fixing it through Emunah
The root of all mitzvos is Emunah. Emunah alone contains the key to everything, as it is written, “A righteous person shall live by his faith.” Emunah fixes all problems and all sins.
Let’s say a person gives money to a pauper, and before it gets to the pauper’s hand, the money falls to the ground. The donor gave, but there was no one to receive it.
The sin of “wasting one’s seed” is like giving something with nothing to receive it. The man’s seed is being given away, but there is no wife to receive it from him. But with Emunah, a person can become a container to receive.
In all of Creation, there exist Heavenly illuminations (oros) as well as containers to receive them (keilim). The illuminations and containers are usually connected through Daas, which is the connecting force in Creation. That is the first level. When a person grows spiritually, he doesn’t even need Daas to receive the illuminations; he is above Daas. He is totally unified and nullified to Hashem, integrated with Him. That is the second level. It is called lo yoda, “No Daas.”
Above this is a third level a person can reach: an even higher plane that exists beyond lo yoda; it is called “lo yoda elyon.” On such a level, a person doesn’t even need a container to receive Heavenly illuminations, and the illuminations are able to reach the person by themselves. When a person reaches such a level, he is able to fix all his sins – even the sin of “spilling seed”, which is the root of all sins. When a person “spills seed”, G-d forbid, there is something being given, but there is nothing to receive it. His seed goes to waste. But with Emunah, a person can acquire a container that receives all the lost seed – retroactively.
This is a way to do Teshuvah for all of one’s sins, and in particular, the sin of “spilling seed”. But G-d forbid one should purposely sin and say, “I will sin and repent later.”
Fixing the Sin of Gay Behavior
All sins are rooted in Adam’s sin
This chapter deals with the sin of one who engaged in sexual gay behavior and wants to fix his sin. First we will look into the root of this sin in order to understand how to fix it.
The root of all sins lies in Adam’s sin, when he ate from the Tree of Knowledge. The sin of sexually gay behavior is no different than other sins; it also is rooted in Adam’s sin. It is clear that we cannot totally learn how to fix this sin from the case of Adam, in which there was only one man in the world (and hence no one for him to engage in gay behavior with). We are only speaking of this sin in its essence, but there is one very practical point to be learned from this discussion for those who acted gay in a sexual manner.
Four instances in the Torah of Gay Behavior
In the Torah, there are four instances of gay behavior: Cham, Potifar, the city of Sodom, and Amalek.
The first man recorded in the Torah who had a sexual lust for another man was Cham, the son of Noach. It is written (Beraishis 9:20) “And Cham, father of Canaan, saw his father’s nakedness.” The Sages have two opinions of what this means (see Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 70a): According to one opinion, Cham castrated his father so that his father wouldn’t be able to have children, and according to the second opinion, Cham engaged in sexual behavior with his father Noach, who was drunk and asleep.
The second instance in the Torah of gay behavior was by the city of Sodom, who demanded that Lot give away his guests (Beraishis 19:5). The Sages (see Midrash Rabbah 50:5) explain that they wanted to rape his guests; Lot instead tried to appease them by agreeing to give away his daughters to be raped, but they refused. They wanted men to rape.
The third instance of gay behavior in the Torah was by Potifar, who had desire for Yosef (see Talmud Bavli, Sotah 13b).
Finally, there is a fourth instance of gay behavior recorded in the Torah. It is written regarding the cursed nation of Amalek, “They attacked you on the way.” Rashi (in Devorim 25:18) explains this to mean that Amalek acted sexually gay with the Jewish nation.
These four instances of gay behavior are four different lessons about gay behavior. As we will see, there are four different causes for why a person would be sexually gay, and each of these causes has its own solution to the problem.
The Gay Behavior of Cham: Selfishness
First we will examine the first kind of gay behavior: Cham, who did a sexually gay act with his father, Noach.
Before Hashem brought the Flood, there was a big problem in the world: adultery. The generation was so lustful that even the animals were mating with opposite species; this corruption angered Hashem to bring the Flood and destroy the world.
After the Flood, Cham started a new trend: to mate with one’s own gender. Cham brought about an entirely new kind of sexual corruption: to lust after your own gender. He introduced to the world that a man can have a sexual desire for another man.
The natural way of the world is that a man needs a woman to mate with, and a woman needs to receive from a man. The man is the giver, and the woman is the receiver. This is the way Hashem designed the world. But when a man mates with another man, there is no one to receive what he has to offer.
Slavery represents this idea. A slave cannot own anything; anything he acquires goes to his master. He cannot receive anything, and he cannot own a legal wife. He is man without a woman.
When a man has no one to give to and no one to receive what he has to offer, he is all alone. Hashem created the world for man and woman to get married and merge into one being, but when a man has no wife, he is all by himself. (This is also the depth behind why Amalek acted sexually gay with the Jewish people, because Amalek’s aim was to create a separateness and lack of unity in Creation; Amalek was therefore sexually gay in order to wreak havoc on Creation.)
Slaves are suspected of gay behavior (see Talmud Bavli, Berachos 45a). Children as well are a target for being molested sexually (see Talmud Bavli, Gittin 57b). There is a similarity between slaves and children when it comes to sexual behavior, and this will help us understand the root of this kind of gay behavior.
Slaves do as they please, so it is understandable that they are suspected of being gay (see Talmud Bavli, Kesubos 11a). But why are children also commonly involved in gay behavior? The answer is because both slaves and children share one thing in common: they lack a connection to another, and this is the root of their gay behavior. How do we see this?
We know that a child’s sexual act under the age of nine years is not regarded as anything (see Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 69b). Simply speaking, a child isn’t mature enough physically and therefore his sexual actions are not regarded. But it is more than that; he is not a bar daas. To be a bar daas means that one has the power to form connections; daas always refers to connection, as it is written, “And Adam knew Chavah.” A child’s sexual act cannot form any connection; he is alone and cannot have a wife, because he isn’t emotionally capable of such a connection. That is why children are associated with gay behavior, because they are all by themselves and cannot have a wife.
So children have gay behavior because they are by themselves, and slaves act gay because they have no one to receive from them. They are both associated with gay behavior because they are alone.
This helps us understand Cham’s gay behavior. Cham was gay because he was selfish; he wanted to only take and not give, which is the opposite of being a man. A man is supposed to give, and a woman is supposed to receive from him – but Cham wanted only to take. The root of this kind of behavior is a selfishness that has to do with a man wanting to be alone. When a man lacks a wife (or a connection with a wife), he has no one to receive from him, and this itself perverts his sexual desires: he desires men, not a wife. He wants to receive pleasure, but he doesn’t want to give it.
This is one reason for gay behavior: a selfishness that comes from a lack of connection with a wife.
The Gay Behavior of Potifar: Perverting Creation
The second kind of gay behavior we find is by Potifar, who desired Yosef. Yosef was the overseer of Egypt and was sustaining it. He was being like a man and being a giver, taking care of Egypt. Potifar, who desired him, wanted to turn him into a taker. Potifar essentially was trying to switch the nature of creation. Because he desired to only take and not give (by sexually desiring Yosef), he was punished with castration; since he didn’t want to give, he was punished that he cannot have children and cannot sustain others.
How do we know that Potifar was trying to turn Yosef into a taker?
In a marriage between a man and a woman, there is a giver and a receiver. In their sexual union, the man gives the enjoyment, and the woman receives the enjoyment. The real pleasure is enjoyed by the woman, who receives the pleasure from her husband. )Since most times the husband isn’t motivated entirely by giving, and he also wants to take a little of the pleasure, he ends up enjoying it also. He also has some degree of taking. But at least he has some motivation to give.(
This is unlike the gay person. A gay person wants to only take pleasure, but he doesn’t give it. There is no pleasure to the one whom a gay person comes upon (see Talmud Bavli, Kereisos 3a); a gay person only receives pleasure, but he cannot give it to his sexual partner.
This shows us that another cause for gay behavior can be because he is switching around the way things are supposed to be. He perverts Creation. A man is supposed to give and not be a taker, but a gay person is not manly. He is acting feminine in trying to just receive pleasure – which is a woman’s role.
The Gay Behavior of Sodom: Haughtiness
The third kind of gay behavior we find is by the city of Sodom. (Sodom wanted Lot’s guests to be gay with them; Sodom’s gay behavior has to do with their other evil ways. Sodom was against being kind, because they didn’t want to have to need others. That was essentially their root of why they also had gay behaviors.)
This kind of gay behavior contains the key reason to all gay behavior.
Before Adam was created, he was alone. This put into all of us the ability to be “alone”; it is an ability that can be used for good or bad. When a man uses the power of being alone for evil, he is gay. When a person is haughty, he misuses the power of being “alone.”
Rav Nachman of Bresslov writes that the most impure evil that exists – the 50th Gate of Impurity -- is gay behavior, and the root of it is being haughty.
A gay person’s problem is that he wants to remain alone; he wants to be “independent.” The solution to the problem is to return the power of being alone to its root, which is good.
When a man chooses to be alone and not get married – or he lacks a connection with his own wife – he is really being haughty. When a man and woman connect in the marital union, the man fulfills what he lacks: another person in his life. But when a man is gay, he is being haughty, because he doesn’t feel that he is lacking. He feels like he doesn’t need anybody else.
The solution for a gay person then is to feel that he is missing something in his life – being together with another person whom he can give pleasure to (To be together with another man defeats this purpose, because the other person doesn’t receive any pleasure from the union).
Summary
Altogether, we have found three reasons for gay behavior. One cause is because a person doesn’t want to give and he only wants to take; therefore, he engages in a relationship in which only he enjoys and takes pleasure, and there is no one to receive his pleasure. (The solution is to become a giver and not a taker).
Another cause for gay behavior is that a person wants to switch around the way the world is supposed to be; he wants to defy the laws of nature that Hashem created the world with. He doesn’t want his role as a man.
A third cause for gay behavior is that a person wants to remain alone and feels like he doesn’t need anybody. (The solution for this, if he is single, is to get married; and if one is already married, he needs to feel like he needs his wife).